He won’t fry for his crime, but this dumb jerk’s got egg on his face.

A Willow Street, Pa., teen had the bright idea to toss eggs at a police cruiser with a cop sitting in it and — guess what — he was arrested on “felonious idiocy” charges.

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This is one heck of a deflating fetish.

Cops are hunting for a Duluth, Minn., man who gets turned on by slashing big rubber exercise balls at gyms.

The 31-year-old man — who’s well-known to law enforcement — was caught on tape cutting 70 rubber exercise balls. He’s been arrested for this before and told cops he lusts after inflatable devices.

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Administrators at a British elementary school terrified their pre-teen students by telling them their teacher had been abducted by aliens.

They even went so far as recreate a crash scene with actual investigators taking witness statements.

Parents, naturally, were appalled.

“It was just too realistic, too dramatic,” said one mom. “It was just too much.”

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Pagan cops of the world, unite!

English police officers who practice witchcraft as their religion are trying to set up a Pagan Police Association.

If they get approval from authorities, they’ll get off eight Pagan holidays a year, including Halloween.

In all, the group estimates there are 500 Pagan cops in England.

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Monkey see better, monkey do better.

A German company is making contact lenses for wild animals that suffer from cataracts, like lions, giraffes and bears — and perhaps a simian or two.

The company says it has many happy clients, including a sea lion with blurred vision at Sea World in San Diego.