A mad dash for freedom this wasn’t.

Two women in Columbus, Ohio, scoured their neighborhood after their pet tortoise escaped and finally found the slow-moving amphibian five days later — less than a mile away.

The 10-pound creature was found quietly inching its way along a neighbor’s yard.

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Boredom in the court!

A man who let loose an exaggerated yawn in a Chicago courthouse was sentenced to six months in jail for contempt of court.

Clifton Williams was watching his cousin plead guilty to a drug charge when he was overcome with sleepiness.

His cousin received two years’ probation.

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To my slain brothers and sisters — I salute you.

A small bear wandered into a fur shop in Aspen, Colo., and browsed the aisles for a while before wandering out. No one was hurt.

Bears are common sights in Colorado at this time of year — but they mainly are looking for trash to eat, not a good deal on a coat.

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This guy takes his pillow talk a bit too seriously.

A Nigerian man who says he has been unable to find a girlfriend because of his bad stutter now plans to marry his pillow.

“I have needs, so I have taken to sleeping with my pillow in my arms ever since I was 16,” said 26-year-old Okeke Ikechukwu. “I have grown to fall in love with it.”