What an ass.

A Florida man who was charged with flashing a mother and daughter in a parking lot said that it was all a misunderstanding and that he dropped his pants only because he had “explosive diarrhea.”

An unfortunate investigator checked David Napodano’s drawers and found no evidence to support him, so he was charged with indecent exposure.

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And he wasn’t even drunk.

A man driving down a rural Oklahoma highway was stunned when he sideswiped an elephant.

The 4,500-pound pachyderm had escaped from a nearby circus. Bill Carpenter, 68, and his wife were not hurt, but the elephant suffered a broken tusk and a cut to her leg.

“Out here, you could hit a deer or a cow — but this can’t be happening,” Carpenter said.

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What a kick in the pants!

A student who won $10,000 after kicking a field goal during a halftime contest at the University of Montana lost the award when officials discovered he was a kicker in his high-school days.

Beforehand, Matthew Brenner had signed an agreement saying he’d never played sports, but he admitted he didn’t read it.

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An Idaho woman has pleaded guilty to tossing a bottle of ranch dressing into the windshield of another car during a road-rage incident.

The high-fat sauce, which people have somehow been convinced is healthy, wasn’t healthy at all for the other woman, causing her to crash into a pole. She was unhurt.

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It may have been a white wedding, but this couple was definitely seeing red.

British newlyweds were devastated when they cut into their wedding cake only to discover it was made out of polystyrene.

Turns out the caterer had forgotten to bake the cake and substituted one used for displays.