Double jeopardy need not apply.

Lizzie Borden was acquitted of hacking her father and stepmother to death — more than 100 years after the fact.

The mock retrial came as part of the Massachusetts Superior Court’s 150th-anniversary celebration.

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It was the case of Mickey Mouse versus Donald Duck.

The mouse has filed a trademark infringement case against his duck pal in Florida court.

The filing is likely the work of a prankster, as Mickey Mouse is being represented by Juan Abogado (“lawyer” in Spanish) of Candy Cane Lane and Donald Duck by Pluto.

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Whatever floats your boat, dude.

A 39-year-old California man is charged with being a weirdo for paying a teenager $31 to spit in his face.

He had also paid high-school students to slap him — and tried to get teens he’d met via MySpace to urinate and defecate on him.

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Several Mexican laboratories are offering a special DNA-testing package for people who think their significant other is cheating.

“They can bring us underwear, a sheet, chewing gum, which provide testers with traces of sperm, saliva or hair,” said the director of one lab.

The process can cost up to $500.

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He may be regarded as God’s divine messenger on earth, but, boy, has he never been anywhere.

Nepal’s former king is finally getting a passport — at age 63.

King Gyanendra, who stepped down in 2008, ending the 240-year-old monarchy, never previously needed a passport.

Since he’s abdicated, he’s only been to India, which has an open border with Nepal.