If a drunk stumbles into you today, you might be able to blame the president — or at least his speechwriters.

Two Princeton students invented the State of the Union drinking game in 2002, and it’s been gaining popularity since.

Players last night had to down a shot or chug a beer whenever President Obama used such words or phrases as “hope,” “change,” “Iraq,” “let me be clear,” and “make no mistake.”

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A crook got caught after breaking into two homes in St. Petersburg, Fla. — but at least he got a lot of exercise trying to make his getaway.

First, he jumped on his bike and pedaled down a street that dead-ended on a lake. The 20-year-old then hopped into a pedal boat and tried to pedal across the water. Unfortunately for him, cops had a faster boat.

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Mom, let’s play cops and robbers — and we’ll both be robbers.

A 20-year-old Pennsylvania man burglarized a Grove City home after his mother, 50, drove him to the crime scene, cops said. Both were busted.

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Give enough chimpanzees a video camera and one of them is bound to make “Citizen Kane.”

Primatologists at Scotland’s Edinburgh Zoo taught chimps how to operate cameras, then let the ape auteurs produce and direct their own films.

Although the chimps are unlikely to win any Oscars, the researchers say the footage will help them better understand how man’s distant cousins see the world around them.

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A cheesed-off McDonald’s worker in Holland won a legal battle with the bosses who sacked him.

His offense: putting a slice of cheese on a cheaper plain burger for a colleague.

A court ordered the big cheeses who run the franchise to pay the employee $6,000.

“It is just a slice of cheese,” the judges wrote.