I love you. Now pass the syrup.

The decidedly lowbrow Waffle House will be unfurling the white table cloths for special, reservation-only candlelit dinners on Valentine’s Day.

“Valentine’s at Waffle House is becoming ‘the reservation’ to get for the truly romantic couples,” said the breakfast chains’ VP, Pat Warner. “Nothing tells your significant other you love them more than a double order of ‘Scattered, Smothered and Covered’ hash browns.”

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A whiz at getting out of trouble he wasn’t.

Cops were surprised after they arrested an 18-year-old youth they thought was a pedophile lurking around an elementary-school bathroom near LA. Turns out he was just trying to buy a kid’s urine to pass a drug test.

Kevin Manuel Duron allegedly paid the boy $10 to pee in a cup for him.

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And while we’re on the subject . . .

Rio de Janeiro is cracking down on public urination during Carnival in a bid to clean up the city’s image before the Olympics.

In addition to making more arrests, the city will install 3,000 portable toilets.

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Professions of love apparently are allowed only when meeting the 72 virgins waiting for you in the afterlife.

Religious police in Saudi Arabia are cracking down on all signs of Valentine’s Day — cards and pictures of hearts — due to a ban on celebrating Western holidays.

“Those who don’t comply will be punished,” the police said in a statement printed in newspapers.