Now that’s drunk.

Police in South Bend, Ind., arrested a man for DWI after other motorists reported he was driving down the road with the hose from a gas pump dangling from his fuel tank.

He failed several field sobriety tests, and later blew a 0.13 on a Breathalyzer.

***

In some places, chicken wings are more valuable than money.

Two hungry bandits in Georgia held up a Domino’s Pizza delivery driver, but instead of taking his cash, they took a large order of chicken wings.

As the deliveryman walked up to a house, the two men jumped out of some bushes with a gun, and one shouted, “Give me the wings!”

***

An 80-year-old California woman with a rap sheet dating back to 1955 thanked the judge who sentenced her to her latest three-year stretch for not sending her to her least-favorite jail.

“God bless you,” Doris Thompson said when informed she would not be headed to the Los Angeles County Jail.

***

That’s got to hurt.

A British chicken farmer discovered one of his hens had laid an egg that was more than four times normal size. It was 3½ inches tall and 8½ inches in circumference.

“Matilda has not been laying eggs that long — this is only her fourth or fifth — so it must have come as a bit of a shock for her,” said owner Mark Cornish.

Yes, we know: That makes Matilda a Cornish hen.