A sweet old guy he isn’t.

A 68-year-old greeter at an Ohio Wal-Mart was arrested for repeatedly punching little kids.

Ralph Conone would sometimes wander up to kids as young as 7 and punch them while holding keys between his fingers.

His lawyer said Conone has mental-health problems. No kidding.

* Crack is whack.

Cops found a man bleeding from the head in Wichita, Kan., and he told them he got the wound after handing a drug dealer Monopoly money in exchange for crack.

In return, the dealer pistol-whipped him.

Police say they’ll charge the drug dealer with assault, even though the victim probably had it coming.

* Ireland has finally got around to opening a National Leprechaun Museum in Dublin.

The hall celebrating the mythical green midgets will feature pots of gold and rainbows — but no living specimens.

Museum designer Tom O’Rahilly said the furniture reflected the correct human-to-leprechaun proportions, according to popular conception.

* Next time, just send flowers.

A German woman called cops after hearing someone climbing up her balcony. Police found it was just her boyfriend bringing flowers and a bottle of wine — but they still arrested him, on an outstanding warrant.

“He was trying to be romantic, but it all went wrong,” said a police spokesman.

* It’s a fine line between the gulag and a monastic life.

The Republic of Georgia is mulling offering criminals the option of going to prison or joining a monastery.

Only a select few will get the choice, though the idea was hatched to help ease prison overcrowding.