Now playing in Baltimore: “CSI Meets Lassie.”

Residents of an upscale condo are voting on a plan to gather the DNA of every resident’s dog to identify the perpetrator who’s leaving piles of poop on the grounds.

Each dog owner would be charged $50 to cover the cost of the tests, a proposal that one resident described as worthy of a “Seinfeld” episode.

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They’ll have the smartest kids in New Jersey.

Emily Hawley was named valedictorian at Centenary College in Hackettstown because of her perfect 4.0 grade-point average — compared to the 3.999 scored by her rival for the honor, Josh Walker.

But he got quite a consolation prize.

After Hawley completed her speech, she called him to the stage — and popped the question.

The two had dated for seven years — and he said, “Yes,” as their fellow grads roared their approval.

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Speaking of smart kids, fourth-grader Hannah Estes, of Texas, caught a real Mickey Mouse mistake at Disney World.

She was waiting with her family to board a ride when she noticed the countdown clock said “one seconds.”

“I learned in Ms. Bennet’s class that a singular number can’t be with a plural word,” she wrote Disney officials, who said they’d correct the error.

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She must really love lights and sirens.

A Missoula, Mont., woman, just sprung from jail for swiping a police scooter, was busted the next day for trying to steal a police car, cops said.

She allegedly jumped into the car when the officers left it to make a traffic stop.

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Lenin is probably turning over in his grave.

A Russian company has installed caviar-dispensing vending machines at 33 Moscow locations, including the mayor’s office.