She wasn’t drunk as a skunk — more like a chicken.

Cops in West Newbury, Mass., busted a middle-school teacher who they say was sloshed in front of her students. At one point, she began flapping her arms and making noises like a chicken, the kids said.

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Eradicating fruit flies is a man’s job — or at least a task for sterile males.

Broward County, Fla. agriculture officials released 45 million sex-crazed, but sterile, male Mediterranean fruit flies in an effort to wipe out the annoying insects.

Female medflies can mate only once a lifetime, so hooking up with a sterile male wipes out an entire generation.

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Spam vs. Prem.

Hormel Foods, makers of Spam, is suing Zwaneberg Food Group, claiming that the rival’s lunch meat Prem is packaged to look too much like Spam.

Hormel claims Zwaneberg sells Prem with a yellow-on-blue design that’s intentionally similar to Spam’s.

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There’s blind drunk, and then there’s naked drunk.

Indiantown, Fla., police busted a nude woman for driving with a blood-alcohol level of more than .16 and possessing 20 grams of pot. The driver was not cited for motoring naked during her joy ride.

The suspect had no explanation about why she was driving in the buff.

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A manager and employee of a San Rafael, Calif., pizza parlor both pleaded guilty to vandalizing a rival’s business a block away.

Timothy Tucker, 32, and Sean Clymer, 25, who worked for Extreme Pizza, admitted to defacing Pizza Orgasmica. They used black spray paint to scrawl dollar signs and “Go home.”

The pizza meatheads agreed to pay nearly $7,700 in restitution to the rival pie maker and to a next-door sushi restaurant they also vandalized.