Bar owners have a message for lawmakers in Michigan: We’ll kick your butts.

Outraged that the state Legislature has banned smoking in bars — while keeping it legal in the state Capitol — 500 tavern owners have vowed to ban all lawmakers from drinking at their establishments.

If these guys are typical politicians, the bars may see a huge drop in business.

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One teacher in Omaha, Neb., apparently thinks “fight promoter” is part of his job description.

Patrick Kocsis allegedly took a 13-year-old boy and a 12-year-old boy outside and told them “slap it out” after they had a dispute in their classroom.

The boys fought, but now it’s Kocsis who has been slapped — with misdemeanor neglect charges.

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This guy’s only handicap is mental.

An activist who was angry that cops weren’t handing out enough parking tickets in Shelton, Conn., parked in a handicapped space and called police on himself. He made a dozen calls before cops came.

When officers arrived, they shocked him with a stun gun and arrested him.

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Damn the torpedoes.

Australian Defense Department officials are red-faced after spending $600 million to buy a naval torpedo system only to find they couldn’t use it because the manuals were only in Italian and French.

Now the military has to pay $100,000 to hire translators to interpret the missiles’ directions.

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A Mexican woman was so embarrassed about failing to graduate college she made up a kidnapping tale to explain to her family why she failed to appear at the graduation ceremony.

Lucina Gayosso, 23, of Juá¡rez, even told the phony story to cops after her family called the authorities.

She had been studying social work.

Looks like she could use some counseling herself.