This case of illicit drug use will get your goat.

Theodore, the grand champion goat at this year’s Colorado State Fair, was disqualified after failing a drug test.

Someone tampered with his feed by adding ractopamine, a drug that makes hogs more muscular, said Susan Weinroth, whose daughter owns Theodore.

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He’s really off his bean.

A Florida man stabbed his 26-year-old son partly because the offspring allegedly stole a can of Dad’s lima beans, police said.

Donald Wynn, 54, had been living with his son for just a month when he was arrested on attempted-murder charges. The younger man was hospitalized in critical condition yesterday.

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A scrap company didn’t fall for Pennsylvania’s version of the old “I’d like to sell you a bridge to Brooklyn” trick.

The company called cops when two brothers, Benjamin Jones, 24, and Alexander Jones, 25, offered them 15 1/2 tons of scrap metal they had obtained by cutting up a bridge near New Castle, Pa.

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A California family was caught growing some monster marijuana, just in time for Halloween.

About 100 pounds of dried marijuana and 35 “super plants” — each 8 feet tall and so thick in diameter that they looked like trees — were found in the Napa County home of Gerald, Linda and Cody Bennett, police said.

The plants could each produce several pounds of saleable marijuana, according to cops.

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The kid’s too cool for preschool.

A 3-year-old London boy wanted to go home on his first day of class, so he simply walked there — scaling a 3-foot wall and crossing a busy street by himself.

His mom, 27-year-old Samantha Aldridge, was stunned when she found her toddler, Alfie, at her front door two hours after dropping him off.