This guy is as good a bank robber as Woody Allen.

A West Virginia holdup neophyte botched a bank job when he failed to write his demand note legibly enough for tellers to understand he wanted money.

Like Allen’s character in “Take the Money and Run,” the thief turned red-faced and left with nothing.

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A flight from India to England had to make an emergency landing — because of bankruptcy.

After the Comtel Air flight unexpectedly touched down in Vienna, passengers were told that the carrier had “run out of money” and that they all had to come up with a combined $31,000 for fuel if they wanted to continue on to Birmingham.

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In Saudi Arabia, even burqas can be too sexy.

The religious leaders in the country already make women cover everything but their eyes — but now, even that may be too much for them.

They have announced that any women with “tempting eyes” poking out of their black full-body outfits must cover them up or face punishment, including flogging.

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A school in Toronto has banned all soccer balls, baseballs, footballs and tennis balls from campus because the principal thinks they are too dangerous.

“Kids were coming in complaining of injury or being scared,” said Principal Alicia Fernandez, who has been blasted by parents for the nanny-state move.

Noticeably absent from the Canadian school’s banned list: hockey pucks.

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A British woman sure got snookered.

Chantel Faill, 31, discovered that the tip of a pool cue had been stuck up her nose for 12 years when she sneezed out the plastic bit.

Because of the tip, Faill had suffered from puzzling headaches and runny noses ever since the cue was jammed up there in a pub accident when the man holding it gave her a bear hug.