“Push up” came to “shoved back in jail” for this guy.

A stabbing suspect in La Crosse, Wis., tried to get sprung on bail by claiming he was so sick that he couldn’t even raise his arms. He even showed up in court in a wheelchair.

But when his jailers showed in court a video of him doing push-ups in his cell, the judge put him back behind bars and doubled his bail.

***

Order in court . . . and here’s the duct tape!

Suspect Erik Britt got so disruptive at his trial in rural Pennsylvania that the judge ordered officers to tape the defendant’s mouth shut.

Britt even yelled “You’re hindering my freedom of speech!” as the adhesive was applied.

***

A Florida grandmother busted on a drug rap said she was set up by a Smurf.

Alberta Kelly, 67, said a man in a Smurf hat gave her seeds that he purportedly said would grow into the most beautiful flowers she’d ever seen. But what sprouted were pot plants, and she got busted.

A jury believed her tale, and she was acquitted.

***

Did the porno feature 72 hot virgins?

A Michigan man called cops to claim that al Qaeda had put subliminal messages in an X-rated DVD he was watching.

He actually played the blue movie for a cop, who confirmed that there did appear to be words flashing briefly on the screen.

But al Qaeda? Cops are probing the claim, watching the movie — over and over!

***

A boneheaded crook in Oregon stole a coin collection worth thousands of dollars — and put it through a supermarket coin-counting machine to get back a mere $450.

“[He’s] just simply an idiot,” one cop said of the crook. The victim was allowed to sift through the machine and get his collection back.