Hiking trails in Olympic National Forest in Washington state have been closed because of new woodland threats — mountain-goat attacks!

Some bahhhd nanny goats living near the trails with their young are perceiving threats from passing two-legged creatures and confronting the humans.

One aggressive nanny reportedly killed a hiker in 2010.

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He’s pleading guilty with one hell of an implausible explanation.

A Florida man busted for robbery claimed that a lack of sex drove him to crime.

The 25-year-old suspect said he robbed a 7-Eleven only after his fiancée repeatedly refused to make whoopie with him.

It’s not known if anyone in court was able to keep a straight face.

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Here’s hoping the devil isn’t making a bid.

A woman in Albuquerque, NM, has put her soul up for auction on eBay with an initial bid of $2,000.

The woman said she decided to sell her soul after a five-year run of bad luck, starting when she was hit by a car driven by a drunken motorist in 2007.

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Where’s Mighty Mouse when you need him?

A cat spent seven days stuck on a tree branch 60 feet up in Springfield, Mass., because the fire department’s tallest ladder extended only 50 feet.

After several tree-service workers also met with failure, an animal-rescue hero finally was able to make the climb and rescue the kitty.

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A privately employed lifeguard in Florida was fired for saving a swimmer’s life.

Tomas Lopez was canned because the rescue took place a few hundred feet past the border of Hallendale Beach that had been contracted out to an aquatic-safety company.

Six fellow lifeguards protested the decision, and the coldhearted company gave them the ax, too.