A sorry thief accused of ripping off a $1.89 candy bar apologized to cops — for not giving them something more interesting to do.

The 47-year-old master criminal, who allegedly stole his loot from a 7-Eleven in Bradenton, Fla., told the arresting officer he was “really sorry for wasting your . . . time,” adding:

“I should have just stayed at home.’’

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Talk about shooting a mosquito with an elephant gun!

California’s own amazing spider-man, Eiliya Maida of Chico, wanted to get rid of some webs in his back yard.

So he set fire to them with a blowtorch.

The resulting blaze spread to his home — and did $25,000 worth of damage.

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The country’s newest film festival features the top stars of the Internet: cats.

The International Cat Video Film Festival is scheduled for Aug. 30 in Minneapolis.

Among the videos expected to be screened is the the 1984 classic of a feline musician playing the piano.

An expert on viral videos, Ed Robinson, said dogs were the earliest online sensations.

But since then, he noted, “They’ve been busy chasing sticks — but cats have been at the forefront of the cultural movement.’’

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This is what road rage would have looked like in the 12th century.

Kenneth Butterworth, of Philadelphia, was upset by a driver who he believed had cut him off.

So he allegedly pulled out a medieval crossbow and pointed it at the other momotorist.

No one was hurt. Apparently having no arrows, the only thing he shot off was his mouth.

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Talk about piggy banks.

A surveillance video caught a wild pig breaking into a Austrian bank near Vienna.

He looked around, decided he was “boared’’ and walked right back out.