“How the hell can Clemson rush for 2 yards?!”— Don Reed, president of StitchNation and obvious Clemson backer. The last time someone rushed for 2 yards and was knocked backward on his rear it was called the Buttfumble. We Buttfumbled our way to a 4-10-1 mark in college football’s opening week. Last-place Stitches didn’t have two bad weeks in a row all of last year. You have been warned. And hey, Tom “GOAT” Brady, start acting your age. We have the ’Boys in the NFL opener.

Invincible while winning 13 straight, the Yanks are suddenly clinging to a wild-card spot. Nestor Cortes Jr. throws at the Jays. He’s developed into a reliable starter, allowing four runs over his past 11 innings. Blue Jays are flying and like Stitches they are having a September to remember. Jose Berrios, former Twinkie, is happy to be finishing out the season with a contender. 20 units on the Jays.

Mutts lost to Miami 2-1. Sandy Alcantara allowed four hits over nine. Bryan De La Cruz with three hits including the game-winner. Streak snapped. Down -800 tomterrifics.