The Dept. of Health has issued new guidelines for safe sex, post-pandemic and “synchronized masturbation” may be the safest alternative. The IOC (International Olympic Committee), concerned about the spread of COVID in and around Tokyo, refused to allow “synchronized masturbation” but will reconsider it as a demonstration sport for future games.

The Cards play host to the Pirates. After finishing last season 3-0, St. Louis’ Kwang Hyun Kim (1-5, 3.60 ERA) may be rounding to form. He’s allowed a total of two runs over his last two starts, spanning 10 innings. The Bucs’ Will Crowe (0-4, 6.42 ERA) has been torched for 12 runs over his last 13 ²/₃ and has never won an MLB game (0-6). Expecting the Red Birds to close the gap on the Brewers/Cubs this summer. Pirates may be a good place to start. 20 units on the Cards.

Yanks 8, Royals 1 and it wasn’t that close. Aaron Judge went 3-for-3 including a first-inning homer off Brad Keller who was brutal. Down -1,397 pateks.