Breaking! Mueller report is in. No evidence of collusion or obstruction after picking all five World Series games correctly, landing in the black, then going on to finish first in the college football overalls and BB’s. A win/win/win but some people are never satisfied. U.S Rep. Ilhan Omar: “He’s a pretty face who got away with it.” Mike Bloomberg: “He’s totally incompetent.” Rep. Rashida Tlaib: “Impeach the mother f’er.” Whoa, that’s a bit Rash. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez after our “State of the Stitches” address: “Why should I be spirited and warm for this embarrassment?” And Michael Cohen with: “He’s a liar, cheater.” Hate crimes? Sure. But Stitches is no Lori Loughlin. Just ask Tom Brady.

It’s Opening Day, here’s the pitch … and their season is over. Daily Lose headline last week read “Ichiro blasts grand slam as MLB opens in Japan.” Ichiro went 0-for-5. … Cards open what should be a successful season in Milwaukee. Miles Mikolas went 3-0 last year against the Brews, winning twice at Miller Park. 10 units on the Redbirds. … This just in. According to the Daily Lose LeBron James scored four goals to help the Maple Leafs defeat the Cubs 3-2.