Larry Johnson was once one of the most feared running backs in the NFL, but portions of his career are now a complete blank for him.

The two-time Pro Bowl running back said he can’t remember two full NFL seasons, with even some of his most celebrated runs or plays fleeing his memory. Johnson told the Washington Post that he experiences rapid mood swings, splintering headaches, often caused by bright lights or sounds, and experiences “blank spots,” which he thinks stems from his suffering of CTE.

“If I can’t remember who I was, I’ve got YouTube; I’ve got music videos that I’m making for myself, so when I watch these things I can remember,” said Johnson, who thinks he and Aaron Hernandez are tales of the NFL’s peril.

CTE can only be diagnosed after someone dies, but the memories from Johnson’s nine-year NFL career, which included many high highs and equal lows, have become so distant to him that he’s including them in a “time capsule” so his daughter, 7-year-old Jaylen, can watch parts of his football career.

“I’m trying to get these things in order so she knows who I am and what I came from,” Johnson said.

That time capsule likely will include clips from his starry college career at Penn State, where he was named a Heisman finalist in 2002 before being selected No. 27 overall in the 2003 draft by the Chiefs. Johnson made consecutive Pro Bowls in 2005 and 2006 with the Chiefs, including setting an NFL record for most rushing attempts (416) in 2006. The way the league has changed since — more passing, more running back rotations — that mark is unlikely to be broken. Le’Veon Bell has 283 rushes this season, nearly 50 more than second-placed LeSean McCoy.

But Johnson’s career was plagued with run-ins with the law. He has been arrested six times, five of those on assault charges against women, which eventually resulted in his exit from the Chiefs before brief stints with the Redskins and Dolphins acted as his curtain call.

Now, he’s haunted by “demons” that push him to the edge, like devil’s advocates but so vivid, telling Johnson to self-destruct.

“One is telling you to do it; one is telling you don’t,” Johnson said. “One is telling you it’d be fun.”