Every week, The Post will bring you our picks of the best one-liners and stories from satirical site the Babylon Bee to take the edge off Hump Day. Want more of a chuckle? Be sure to click the links.

“This is a momentous day,” said a federal spokesperson. “The nation’s eyes are upon all those who could have been president, if they hadn’t been total losers.” READ MORE

Sources said that Jennifer first began to encroach on her husband’s territory late last night, cold-heartedly shoving him onto the very edge of the bed. READ MORE

“CBC News can now confirm that local patrolpersons have a positive ID on the gunperson,” said reporterperson Brad Stevenson. READ MORE

“Even without four working limbs, she’s an absolute asset to our team,” said U.S. Paralympic Coach Jeffrey Donovan. READ MORE