We couldn’t script this if we tried: A career criminal is “grateful” for the state’s awful bail-reform laws keeping him out of the place where he clearly belongs — jail.

“I’m grateful for [bail reform] because I’m too old to go to jail, I’m way too old, I can’t do it,” Charles Wold, 58, said Friday.

The longtime drug addict stands accused of burglarizing seven different Brooklyn businesses and three in Manhattan over the course of three months. And his rap sheet dates back to 1983, with 32 prior arrests for burglary and theft.

But don’t put him behind bars?

“Rikers Island is not the key, you know what I’m saying? I’ve been in jail all my life, I can do that standing on my head, it’s not teaching me anything, I can get more drugs in there than I can out here,” Wold told The Post. “Hopefully, the DA will see that I did not do all these crimes that they are accusing me of and they will get dismissed.”

Well . . . he “might’ve done or two of ’em but that was in the beginning of the summer.”

Instead of being held in jail pending trial, Wold runs free, and the businesses he rips off pay.

“It’s literally gotten to a point where you have to catch them red-handed for them to get arrested. The burden is on us,” Shareen Elkenani, who owns Sandwich Girl Cafe on 7th Street, told The Post. “They’re going to keep releasing these people until they fix the criminal-reform system,” she said. “The detective told me to be cautious because he’s going to come back again.”

It’s not just the no-bail law: News site The City reviewed state data from January 2020 to June 2021 on a de Blasio let-’em-out program and found that half the beneficiaries were rearrested, 28% on felony charges.

Mr. Wold is happy with this free-for-all. As for the rest of us . . .