Love old Westerns? Can’t get enough of stick-em-up movies? Got a million bucks?
You’re in luck. The abandoned town of Uptop, Colo. — yes, all of it — is on the market for $1 million flat.

Spread over 42 acres, it has buildings preserved from 19th-century Gold Rush days.

There’s a white church with a steeple, a quaint one-room schoolhouse, a tavern with an original wooden bar, a dance hall and a museum inside a disused 1877 railroad depot. (In a more modern twist, it even has its own Web site.)

As for a place to, well, live, consider the original homestead cabin, built in 1917. Dubbed “HQ,” it’s a year-round two-bedroom abode with a vaulted-ceilinged great room, sun room, full kitchen and deck.

For family or guests, Uptop also has a renovated tavern-keeper’s cabin with two bedrooms, a living room and a kitchen.

The listing touts the area’s “mild weather” — Uptop is in southern Colorado, in between two clusters of mountains — as well as its historic provenance. Besides its status as a train hub, where the “world’s highest rail pass over Rockies” was constructed in the late 1800s, Uptop also housed a sawmill business and a dance hall that revelers frequented until 1962.

The town itself is $1 million, but interested buyers should consider purchasing all 253 acres around Uptop for an extra $500,000, or a 211-acre parcel for $595,000.

If you don’t want to live amid old wooden structures and miles upon miles of forest, consider the “endless possibilities to develop into Guest Ranch, Restaurant, Historic Destination, Corporate/Family Retreat, Horse Property, Spa & More.”

No one’s taken the bait in the two years since the property’s been on the market. (Curbed recently reminded the world it’s still for sale.) Any takers?