Ah, so maybe you thought 2020 would claim as its latest victim The Post’s annual throat-clearing and room-emptying versions of holiday standards. Not a chance! Here we go, back for another round — the 16th annual!
“You’re a Bad Coach, Mr. Gase”
(Sung to “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”)
You’re a bad coach, Mr. Gase
You haven’t got a clue
You’re as clever as a desk lamp
As smart as Elmer’s Glue, Mr. Gase …
You’re historic, Mr. Gase.
The worst Jets coach we know!
That list includes Rich Kotite
Bruce Coslet and Al Groh, Mr. Gase …
You’re a foul one, Mr. Gase.
As Jets fans agonize
Your game plans are comedic
And what is with the eyes, Mr. Gase?
You’re a vile one, Mr. Gase.
In coaching school you’d flunk
You’re team’s a winless tire fire
Malodorous as a skunk, Mr. Gase
[Spoken]
The three words that best describe you
Are as follows, and I quote:
“Stink! Stank! Stunk!”
You’re a genius, Mr. Gase.
Or so your boss has said
But he’s as bad as you are
It’s on to the woodshed, Mr. Gase …
“It’s a Most Curious Time of the Year” (Sung to “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”)
It’s a most curious time of the year
While the Jets are free-falling
The Knicks are appalling
The Yankees austere!
It’s a most curious time of the year
It’s the cray-craziest season of all
After much quarantining
And sports intervening
(And some alcohol)
It’s the cray-craziest season of all …
There’s Mets money for spending
The Nets are ascending
The Islanders back in The Barn
There’s LeMahieu pursuing
And Zoom interviewing
And soon vaccines in every arm
It’s the most curious time of the year
It’s nine months with the virus
We all are desirous
Of life without fear (or more beer!)
It’s the most curious time … of … the … year
Joe Judge N.Y. Post: Charles Wenzelberg“They’re Beginning to Look a Lot Like Giants” (Sung to “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”)
They’re beginning to look a lot like Giants
Defense rules the day
They made Wilson look like a punk
And Carson look like a drunk
And turned the Bengals into disarray
They’re beginning to look a lot like Giants
Ground and pound the rock
Give the football to Morris and Wayne
And let them distribute the pain
And chew up … the … clock
A pair of healthier wheels
From their knees to their heels
Is the wish of Saquon and Dan
A line that can block
And a will made of rock
Makes Joe Judge a happy young man.
(And still looming large and still taking charge
Is the boss, named Dave Gettleman!)
They’re beginning to look a lot like Giants
Mara, Tisch take heart
They don’t play with very much grace
But they dabbled in first place
And that’s quite … a … start …
(Unlike their counterparts)
Steve Cohen
“Will you Recognize the Mets at All?” (Sung to “Do They Know it’s Christmas?”)
It’s Cohen time …
There’s no need to underpay.
In Cohen time
You spend like sailors on holiday
And ask the cognoscenti
If there’s a brand-new point of view
Throw some cash at James McCann
And Springer too!
Now write a check
Pay out of petty cash.
At Citi Field
The ATM next to Arthur Ashe
There’s a new boss in the office
He has gazillions in his hands
And the ones who smile the broadest
Are the millions in the stands
(Well … someday!)
And the Wilpons have been ousted
They’ll no longer be tone deaf.
WELL TONIGHT THANK GOD IT’S STEVE
INSTEAD OF JEFF …!
They won’t disappoint at Willets Point
In Cohen time
They’ll act like it’s New York
Not Carolin’
They’ll light cigars with fifties
And have butlers in the hall
Will you recognize the Mets at all?
Here’s to you
(A-Rod came in second place)
Here’s to them
(Solid gold for second base)
Will you recognize the Mets at all?
Vac’s Whacks
Well, so far “Your Honor” is 2-for-2 in episodes that have left me holding my breath. Bryan Cranston (below) is amazing, and so is the story. All-in.
Our friend Art Shamsky has a terrific podcast up, a chat with noted baseball fan Cardinal Timothy Dolan — including his love for those other (birds-on-a-bat) Cardinals. Available wherever you access your podcasts.
We take plenty of shots at Rob Manfred here. But he did a very good thing this week recognizing the Negro Leagues as major league.
Anyone who had Rutgers winning three Big Ten games this year can take a step forward. Greg Schiano has done a terrific job his second time around so far. It’ll be interesting to see how much of this is sustainable in normal times.
Whack Back at Vac
Kenneth Schlapp: Am I the only one that looked up Hank Aaron’s Negro League stats wishing he had at least 18 home runs instead of the five he had to regain the all-time home run lead?
Vac: That research is what we call a “noble quest.”
Ron Perri: To hear Brian Cashman and Hal Steinbrenner talk about the luxury tax, you’d think they had absolutely nothing to do with getting Giancarlo Stanton.
Vac: He really has become the offseason gift that keeps on giving.
@aghease: If Madison Square Garden is gonna be devoid of fans, I’d love to see the Knicks play a game at Rose Hill or Carnesecca Arena. Mike Breen can return to his roots and RJ Barrett can play on the court where his dad once balled.
@MikeVacc: Have no idea if logistics and protocols would even make this feasible, but that sure is a fine idea to ponder.
Kevin Clowe: If I were James Dolan, and my newly hired, very expensive coach said, we need to get a star, I would not be happy. I would tell Tom that I hired him to coach and develop players, in pursuit of making the Knicks a competitive franchise. Otherwise we don’t need to hear your wish list.
Vac: Fair is fair. And this is fair.
