Here’s the offer, no service or “convenience” fee tack-ons:

Tomorrow morning I’ll pick you up at the train station, bus stop or just give you directions to my house. I’ll even have coffee and rolls, whatever your breakfast pleasure, my treat.

Then you — ESPN’s top content producers, top shot-callers — and I will go through the DVR of last week’s ESPN “Sunday Night Baseball” and you can tell me, with straight faces, that it meets with your approval and sustained professional certification.

I don’t know what ESPN has for future Sundays, how it plans to disembowel the telecasts of baseball games, but we know by now that it will. Routinely starting with the first pitch, ESPN will prove that it’s incompatible with genuine baseball fans, who reasonably should comprise the overwhelming majority of the audience.

Last Sunday’s Dodgers-Angels was ESPN-standard insufferable.

Among the recurring themes was, “Watch the Home Run Derby, and everything else that’s on ESPN.” The game, close throughout and won, 4-3, by the Angels, was trampled by the usual and some unusual verbal and visual excesses, again including so many sell-shots of the three-person booth that perhaps the producer felt we had tuned in to both watch and hear them speak.

By the fourth inning, the challenge to stick it out while three people spoke after every pitch — often to explain and discuss the conspicuous or in the needless quest to fill air space — hit hard. Alex Rodriguez, hired by ESPN (and Fox) despite his infamy as a multi-millionaire drug cheat and chronic public liar, said this about the Angels’ manager:

“The one thing about Mike Scioscia? He advocates throwing strikes.”

Why even bother to make fun of such a sage observation, as if it distinguishes Scioscia from every other manager in baseball history?

But if ESPN’s shot-callers think we enjoy and benefit from such steadily insulting analysis from a man whose presence is an insult to viewers and The Game, less power to them.

And ESPN’s distracting Bottom Line scroll continued to shrink the screen to repeat — and repeat and repeat — the scores of games that had ended many hours earlier, plus more ESPN promos.

And Jessica Mendoza continued to analyze every pitch, before and after, to the point where she became background noise, like the sound of a distant gas-powered lawn mower. She’s not bad, but she’d be twice as good if she spoke half as much.

Meanwhile, ESPN again busied itself trying to find any reason to leave the field for a show-and-tell of anything, as if to prove that it aspires to wreck its baseball telecasts.

For those who persevered, surely, in a one-run game, ESPN would leave the ninth inning alone. Fat chance.

When a large graphic appeared showing the Dodgers a half-game behind Arizona in the NL West — something play-by-player Matt Vasgersian had earlier spoken — such a speaks-for-itself graphic was seized to deliver a late-night, long-form explanation to those still watching but couldn’t decode what in baseball they call “the standings.”

Vasgersian: “And that means that if the Dodgers fail to win here, today, they fail to capitalize on an opportunity to pull even with Arizona in the National League West.”
Who knew?

But Vasgersian prefers to say a lot of anything rather than nothing.

Early in the game, Vasgersian noted that though the Dodgers’ Max Muncy recently had hit some home runs, he’s “O-for-his-last-13.”

And as Muncy batted in the ninth Vasgersian told us, “Muncy has been held to 1-for-3 tonight.”

“Held?” He’s a career .234 hitter! If he’s “held” to any more 1-for-3 games he’ll win a NL MVP, and maybe, just maybe, even an ESPY!

Lawyers say the funniest things.

Charles Oakley, busted in a Las Vegas casino for the felony finagling of $100 chips — with the help of video evidence, he’s accused of trying to increase or diminish his bets after the outcome has been revealed — is represented by attorney Alex Spiro, who told ESPN, “This is not a significant matter.”

True enough. After all, who among us hasn’t been arrested for felony theft?

Then there’s ESPN lawyer Raymond Bertrand, who argued that tennis analyst Doug Adler’s firing for accurately identifying Venus Williams’ net-poaching as a “guerilla” tactic was warranted because Adler “used a homonym susceptible to two meanings.”

In other words, the essence of Adler’s case against ESPN for wrongful termination and defamation as a racist — he clearly intended to compliment Williams’ “guerilla” tactics; he clearly did not call her a “gorilla” — is, according to ESPN’s lawyer, irrelevant.

Hey, you don’t suppose that this learned jurist thinks that in tennis “love” means love, do you?

Boxscore perusals grow more painful. Wednesday, the Red Sox beat the Rangers, 4-2. Against three pitchers, Texas had nine hits but struck out 18 times.

Sunday night, the Dodgers lost, 4-3, to the Angels. Against three Angels pitchers, the Dodgers had five hits but struck out 11 times.

Last year the Dodgers lost the World Series to the Astros because they tried to hit a home run every at bat. In the seven games, Houston had 56 hits and struck out 54 times. L.A. had 47 hits but struck out 65 times!

Of course, “The game has changed.” Thursday in Houston, the Astros and A’s were tied, two on, one out in the eighth when Oakland’s Mark Canha hit a high fly to deep left. Canha just stood near home, watching. The ball banged off the wall, scoring the runners.

Canha, who easily should have been at second, stood at first with another of those “home run singles.” The next batter grounded into a double play.

Ever wonder if Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer, by comporting themselves as genuine sportsmen, fear losing their sneaker contracts?

Don’t care if there’s a paucity of footage or if it’s in black and white, but YES’ “Yankeeography” owes an episode to the most forgotten pitching and hitting star in Yankees history, Red Ruffing. And he lost two seasons to World War II as an Air Corps private.

The Mets are so dreadful and desperate they’ve decided to stop abusing customers. They’ve eliminated ticket tack-on rip-off fees for the rest of the season. That’s like the NFL having its worst teams play at 1 p.m.

Apparently, ESPN isn’t allowed to mess with Wimbledon as it does with most everything else. No “Bottom Line” scrolls during matches, just a maximum view of the court. Crazy, I know.

Reader Michael Altholz awaits the game when the Yankees’ Tyler Wade faces Rays pitcher Chaz Roe “to determine Roe vs. Wade.”