WHILE John Andariese’s relationship with Madison Square Garden Network will never be the same, his position has been sustained.
Yesterday, MSG Network, in a short statement, announced that Andariese has been reinstated and will return to the Knicks’ radio booth for the coming season.
Andariese, at the end of March, was abruptly summoned back to New York during a West Coast trip and placed on “administrative leave” (suspension) for the remainder of the 1999-2000 Knick season.
At the time, MSG would not provide a reason, but it soon came to light that Andariese, 61 and a Knick TV/radio commentator for most of his 28 years in sportscasting, had been accused of misappropriating tickets to Knick games – and at a time when state and local investigators were looking hard into how tickets to big events end up in dubious hands.
Neither Andariese nor MSG would comment further on yesterday’s announcement, but the network has shown consistency in disciplining high-profile employees. Andariese’s former Knick TV partner, Marv Albert, was reinstated after nearly a year’s absence following a a plea to a misdemeanor charge of sexual assault.
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Dennis, Anyone? As long as we’re going to be in this thing together, we’ve some heartfelt advice for Dennis Miller:
If you want to make a real go of this Monday Night Football thing, stop speaking as if you’re ad-libbing off of index cards – even if you are.
One-liners, not to mention two- and three-liners, lose their kick when they come off as self-rehearsed. Miller, better than most, should recognize the transparency in contrived spontaneity.
For example, “The people on ‘Survivor’ have a better per diem [than ABC employees]. I had to buy a BLT with fur pelts today,” collapsed under its own weight. Had he let it go after the “Survivor” line it would’ve been a keeper. Instead, he drowned the line in excess.
Same thing with, “I’m not sure there’s such a thing as a minor groin surgery … anybody has a sharp instrument near my genitalia, that’s major.” That was a crack that went one line too far. Had he left it with “I’m not sure there’s such a thing as minor groin surgery,” he wins the moment. We’d get the point. Good lines shouldn’t need explaining.
Trying too hard, as Miller doubtless knows, is the difference between the Marx Brothers and the Ritz Brothers.
Even his walk-out gag – a play on Don Meredith‘s “turn out the lights” Monday Night Football warble – included the sound of forced air: “Start blow-drying Teddy Koppel‘s hair because this one’s over … I just love calling him Teddy. He hasn’t been called Teddy since he was an embryo.”
As Marge Simpson says, “Hmmm.” Whatever hipness or hilarity that gag might’ve held was lost to another needless tack-on line.
As a free-form humorist, Miller’s debut was hardly free of form. Most of his gags sounded as if they needed shortening. In rehearsal.
Miller gives it another go this Monday night, Rams at Titans, a Super Bowl rematch in preseason. That, too, has the inescapable ring of televised contrivance.
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Stupid, Like A Fox: Fox Sports Net needs its head examined. Then replaced.
This is a cable network that developed a sports-quiz show that is so gratuitously profane that its New York affiliates, MSG and FSNY, have refused to air its promos.
Last month, FSN stayed its wholesome course by hiring Michael Irvin, living symbol of NFL crime in the ’90s, as a football analyst. Heck, Irvin was trouble when he played for Jimmy Johnson‘s University of Miami teams in the mid-’80s.
Then Johnson left to coach the Cowboys, who became America’s Most Wanted Team under his guidance. Yet, Fox was as eager to hire Johnson as it was to hire Irvin.
Wednesday, Irvin, already with a felony drug conviction, was busted on a misdemeanor charge of possession.
Fox’s new NFL analyst was arrested in a North Dallas apartment that was under FBI surveillance. When a multi-county drug task force entered to serve a warrant on a woman in the home, it found Irvin. Luck, as Branch Rickey once said, is the residue of design.
The woman was known to authorities as a suspicious acquaintance of Mark Tuinei‘s, the All-Pro Cowboys’ offensive guard who died a year ago of a drug overdose.
FSN says it will await the legal outcome before determining Irvin’s broadcasting fate.
But that’s weak. Regardless of the adjudication of this case and provided Irvin isn’t imprisoned, Irvin should be retained by Fox, if not promoted. After all, Fox Sports Net knew who it was signing. That he stayed in character should hardly be grounds for dismissal.
After all, Fox Sports Net proudly sells attitude and Irvin, since college, has been brimming with just the kind of rotten attitude that Fox has been selling.
Then again, Broncos LB Bill Romanowski, the NFL’s dirtiest player, might be available to serve Fox’s attitude. Wednesday he was indicted on four felony drug charges – something that might explain his on-field mood swings.
In the Age of Shamelessness, Romanowski for Irvin might not be as good a swap as signing Romanowski in addition to Irvin. If it’s attitude that Fox is selling, you can never be too deep.
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Johnny Cash: Johnny Bench‘s on-going, hard-line, integrity-based public stance against ex-teammate Pete Rose‘s induction into the Hall of Fame is a bit odd. Bench’s public transgressions in the hallowed name of baseball, after all, should not be forgotten.
In 1993, appearing on the Home Shopping Network, Bench eagerly participated in a nationally televised scam that began with him and his on-camera cohorts telling viewers that his autograph on a baseball was “a sensational value” at $129 and that “we could easily sell these out at $99.99.”
Then, with Bench still providing his smiling, nodding blessings, the price was dropped to $59.95 (“an absolutely incredible, incredible buy”) and then, finally, to $49.95 (“sensational” and “absolutely an unbelievable deal!”).
Yep, at Johnny’s insistence, because Johnny loves his fans and the grand game of baseball, they were selling what they could move for $130 a piece for only 50 bucks; they were selling ’em at a big loss.
Fat chance. In truth, the market for Bench-autographed balls had already been flooded and the retail value of such an item was no higher than $35. Bench was cited and subsequently settled with the NYC Dept. of Consumer Affairs, essentially for fraud.
As a champion of baseball morality in view of the sins of Pete Rose, Bench comes across as Elmer Gantry, or even Jimmy Swaggert.
Take Two, They’re Extra Large: In a few years, there won’t be many people left to testify to the existence of sports before all the sport was removed from the sports.
A half-page ad in the weekly magazine, JetsConfidential, in large letters reads, “The first autographed memorabilia from Jets future star Chad Pennington!” An autographed Nike Jets jersey will run you about $300. Hurry, hurry, hurry!
