God bless the Pirates. Hondo went belly up with the Cards and Yanks last night but was spared a triple trouncing by the Bucs, whose triumph kept the deficit down to a mere 1,535 monbouquettes.

Tonight, Mr. Aitch expects to dig up a winner with Tillman at Fenway Pahk — 20 units on the Birds to dump on Lester, aka Jonny Lager.

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News broke yesterday that Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones have separated. Sources close to the Hollywood power couple say the trouble started when Douglas, who announced earlier this year he that he got cancer from oral sex, underwent a major change in his dietary habits … Emailer Peter Salvato on Lamar Odom’s alleged drug problem: ”If I was married to a Kardashian, I would probably smoke crack, too.”

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Hondo’s Week 1 college football picks are available — free of charge — in the Bettor’s Guide. In case you have forgotten, Mr. Aitch’s extensive college knowledge resulted in the overall Bettor’s Guide championship last season.