The Yankees and Reds failed their assignments yesterday, which sent Hondo on a downward spiral into negative numbers at 5 mcauliffes.

Today, Mr. Aitch is counting on Zoolander to pose some problems for the sizzling Rangers — 10 units on the Tigers.

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Speculation is that Manny Ramirez decided to try to re-juice-inate his career because it was his only hope for moving into the starting lineup in left field ahead of Barry Bonds on the All-Dirty Urine Team . . . Tiger was especially disappointed yesterday by not winning a fifth Green Jacket. Had he been victorious, he was going to reward himself with a couple of pancake-house waitresses and a porn star just for old times’ sake.

hondo@nypost.com