Exactly where do the deer and the antelope play? Do you have to buy PSLs?

And why expel Russian diplomats? Do them worse: Make them pay their parking tickets.

Other notes from a busy week:

Biggest Surprise: Given that there was a “60 Minutes” promo every other dribble within the Kansas-Duke game Sunday, CBS did not have Stormy Daniels in the studio at halftime.

Creepy Story of the Week: When Florida State coach Leonard Hamilton instructed his defense to allow Michigan, a poor free-throw shooting team, to run the clock out — not giving a foul down four with 13 seconds left — the Seminoles, 4½-point dogs, covered.

Creepy Postgame Interview of the Week: Coach Hamilton either not knowing or pretending not to know why CBS sideline reporter Dana Jacobson would even ask him why he surrendered so early without giving a quick foul.

Best Interruption of Play-By-Play for a Special Announcement: Doc Emrick, during NBC’s Flyers-Penguins, quickly referenced the annoying, reverberating pounding by a fan against a hollow floor with, “How would you like to be sitting next to that guy?” Then right black to the game, “Puck played by Giroux …”

Greatest Emphasis on the Statistically Irrelevant: At halftime of Kansas State versus Loyola Chicago, CBS stressed that K-State had scored 12 points off turnovers to Loyola’s zero. Wow! That, however, did not explain why K-State was down 12.

But TV always would have us believe that stats make games, when it’s the opposite. K-State turned it over only six times to Loyola’s 15, yet Loyola won by 16.

NCAA Student-Athletics Coincidence of the Week: USC, which in January fired assistant basketball coach Tony Bland after he was arrested for bribery by the FBI, this week replaced Bland with Eric Mobley, a regular on the malodorous AAU scene — oh, and the father of three anticipated top recruits.

Best Explanation of the Totally Unexpected: CBS/Turner analyst Chris Webber said Loyola Chicago’s offensive success has been predicated on off-the-ball movement, thus, “All five are live options.”

And for all the mindless, tired, formulaic sells of monster slam dunks and outside bombs, what Webber described remains the smartest, most appealing basketball.

Hold Your Nose Geno Auriemma Game of the Week: Monday, though Connecticut was up 32 against South Carolina, which had surrendered in the fourth quarter by replacing starters, Auriemma nonetheless played one of his starters 39 minutes, another 38, while two subs played the last 1:41, two others played 59 seconds.

But as long as UConn remains a bad winner rather than a loser, it’s all good with the school and most — but not all — of its fans. Auriemma’s ways and means remain a required taste.

And again, none of the UConn ugly was mentioned on the ESPN telecast, which included analyst Rebecca Lobo, former UConn star.

Questions of the Week: Reader Frank Fisher: “Which golfer would you guess is on the cover of the latest ESPN Magazine? Hint: He hasn’t won a tournament in five years.”

Hmmm, tough one. Gene Sarazen?

Reader Bill Maroney: “If LaVar Ball is such a marketing genius, why didn’t he name one of this three sons ‘Basket?’ ”

Or, at the least name one of his heirs, Heir, thus Heir Ball.

Incomplete Story of the Week: In the final of Sunday’s Match Play Championship, Bubba Watson left a long, downhill eagle putt about 5 feet short. NBC’s Johnny Miller: “He can actually four-putt from there if he doesn’t watch out.”

But after opponent Kevin Kisner made bogey, he conceded, surrendering the hole without giving Watson the opportunity to three-putt what was left, let alone four-putt. Miller, as if he had never said anything, then said nothing.

Guest of the Week: Chris Russo, for his MLB Network show, wisely selected Mike Francesa. With the season starting, there’s none more sagacious. Among Francesa’s expert touts:

Daniel Murphy “will never hit big league pitching”; Jose Altuve is nothing special, “just a singles hitter”; Brett Gardner is “a fourth outfielder, not an everyday player”; Dustin Pedroia is “a nothing”; and his two first-take opinions of Matt Harvey: 1) “Just more Mets’ hype,” followed by 2) how he knew from Day 1 that Harvey is special.

And now that Teddy Bridgewater is a Jet, in 2013 Francesa said his sources told him Bridgewater “is the sleeper quarterback of the draft.” Having just completed his freshman year at Louisville, Bridgewater wasn’t eligible for that draft.

Gee, he’s missed.

Silly Embellishments of the Week: NFL Network’s Mike Mayock continues to assess hopeful NFL QBs in terms of “arm talent” — presumably their throwing arm.

NBC golf host Dan Hicks, during Sunday’s runner-up in match play, noted that after 10 holes Alex Noren has “a thin, one-up lead.” Noren won the next hole, thus Hicks declared, he “has taken control.”

Unqualified Suggestion of the Week: After recidivist NFL malfeasant Michael Bennett was indicted for assault on a paraplegic 66-year-old woman, WFAN’s Bart Scott reasoned that Bennett will be sentenced to “community service.” But whose community?

By 1996, with Cleveland, Albert Belle had firmly established himself as both an MLB slugger and an insufferable human.

But that didn’t prevent HBO from exercising its habit of throwing money at Spike Lee to produce predictable documentaries. Lee presented Belle as a good guy misrepresented by racist media.

It was an absurd, inflammatory, baseless, wishful take then, and, given Belle’s latest arrest — this week for DUI and indecent exposure — it remains one.

It’ll be interesting to see how Aaron Boone and the YES crew react when Giancarlo Stanton does what he often does: Posing home runs into singles. ESPN’s reel of his plate-posing doesn’t show whether he guessed right, while John Sterling and S uzyn Waldman can ignore it — we can’t see on radio.

With Kansas in the Final Four on Saturday, name the only losing basketball coach in the school’s history. Answer, below.

Sunday, in noting the anniversary of the first televised NCAA Tournament final, I didn’t give the year. It was 1946. As the late Roberto de Vicenzo said after losing a tie for the 1968 Masters by signing a miscalculated scorecard — 50th anniversary on April 14 — “What a stupid I am!”

In the last week of spring training, reader Ron Perri noted he felt as if MLB is in midseason form: minor leaguer J.P. Feyereisen, pitching for the Yankees, allowed four hits, one walk and three earned runs — and was credited with the save.

Answer: Dr. James Naismith, credited with the invention of basketball, went 55-60 as Kansas coach, 1898-1907. Today? He’d be fired by 1901.