With our season off to a stellar start, the proactive Stitches is taking action … What goes up must come down. While subway fares rise, elevated train beams fall. How can I survive this overpriced city? Introducing StitchArmor. A specially designed helmet for drivers/walkers who dare to travel under train tracks. Smart device’s emergency lights activate and holler “WARNING” when falling debris is detected. Available in all colors/sizes, except for Mayor de Blasio’s whose head is so big he still believes he will be POTUS. Order now and we’ll send you an additional helmet absolutely free so you can walk confidently with that special someone. And make sure you inquire about StitchArmor+, which detects when an unruly rider is about to toss his or her urine. Batteries not included.

Jacob deGrom is back. He returns from a sore elbow the Mets said was caused by strep throat. Or maybe his latest haircut? Brewers are in and Chase Anderson, chased from the rotation, shut out the Dodgers for five innings last time out to show he belongs. 20 units on the Brews.

Bosox tame the Tigers 7-3. Rick Porcello earns his first win. Jordan Zimmerman is 0-4 after allowing five runs in three innings. W has us at -498 variteks.