Dear John: When will the US understand that the universal sport of soccer cannot exist in our country? It is a poor man’s sport where no equipment is needed, only a ball and a field in which to kick it.

It cannot survive in the US for three reasons: Boring, boring, boring.

The most excitement is among the spectators who burn or stampede the stadiums or kill the goalie or referee — which is where the term “fan” was derived: “Fanatic.”

Seriously, the reasons are:

1) There is not enough “scoring,” i.e., nil, nil.

2) The field is much too large, and even TV can’t cover all of the action.

3) The main reason is that there are no timeouts for commercials — and who wants to watch for three hours and the only goal scored was during a commercial break?

Let’s just enjoy our football, basketball and baseball! D.M.

Dear D.M.: Wow, the ugly American has surfaced.

Millions of Americans enjoy soccer. And many millions of kids play it. Was there anything more exciting than the women’s soccer team in the Olympics?

I have tickets for a soccer game — uh, match — on Sunday. I guess I shouldn’t go because maybe there won’t be enough scoring and the ref might not get killed.

Those other sports are great. But why can’t we squeeze one more into our leisure time? Ease up! There’s already enough tension in the world.

Dear John: The two years I spent on Medicaid prompt me to misquote Groucho Marx: “I would not want to visit a clinic that would have me as a patient.”

The doctors produced so many red flags I thought I was in a parade in Moscow. From my experience, I suspect that because Medicaid payments are not enough, doctors supplement their incomes by doing additional tests and selling cells to biotech companies.

I was fortunate enough to find a good doctor and am doing well on the medicines he prescribed. He sees me once a year to check that the meds are continuing to do the job they were intended to do. Wishing you well. L.G.

Dear L.G.: I’m glad to hear you are feeling better. And I’m glad that I am not on Medicaid.

The problem with alleged unnecessary procedures is that he or she is the doctor, and who are we, as patients, to challenge expert opinions? It would seem that this situation is in need of sting operations in which patients with known conditions go into doctors’ offices and see if tests that they know are unnecessary are performed.

From that point on, doctors should be worried that Medicaid patients are setting them up.