SAY HALO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND: The final chapter of Spartan-117 is a week old — is the hype still deserved?
By CHRIS BUNTING
IN not-so-shocking âmad hype = mad moneyâ news, Halo 3 cleared a record $170+ mill its first day out, despite a somewhat muted — by Gears of War standards, anyway — ad blitz. (Unless you count the Howard Stern Show promo, where someone âwonâ a copy after getting a penis painted on his forehead — now thatâs a Legendary Spartan helmet!)
Halo 3âs monster gross was more than the biggest-ever movie opening, more than the revenue the Super Bowl generates, more than the Marshall Islandâs GDP. And why shouldnât it be? There are close to 6 million Xbox 360 owners in North America; having one and failing to at least try Halo 3 is like picking up a $400/hour escort and only taking her to dinner — you need to get your moneyâs worth, partner!
It was a no-brainer for me, anyway. Iâve had FPS bloodlust in my heart ever since Robo Hitler called me a Schweinehund in Wolfenstein 3D back in â92, forcing me to bust an x86 cap in his âstache.
But Bungieâs Halo franchise is unique in doing what 99% of shooters consistently fail at: attracting that hallowed casual gamer demo as much as the hardcore crowd. Timing had a lot to do with hooking fans early. Halo The First came out about a month after 9/11, when everyone and his grandma was a little on the militant-side. Even the hippiest of my college buddies back in Berkeley, CA, wanted nothing more than to shoot someone in the face at the time. And Haloâs Covenant gave great face.
But two sequels later, are we still in love with Master Chief & Co.? Short answer: jawhol! But our relationship definitely has its snags. The single-player campaign is dunzo in under nine hours (tops) on Heroic difficulty or easier. Maybe 10 on the nose on Legendary. Yeah, yeah, when youâre left wanting more, thatâs supposed to be a good thing. But still, barring some rumored Peter Jackson craziness, this is the series closer for godâs sakes.
And the same old enemies are back: Brutes, Flood, rinse, repeat (and repeat and repeat and repeat in the case of the Scarabs). There is a new weapon or two — totable guns like the flame thrower make sâmores out of the parasitic Flood, while the Gravity Hammer (steal one from a Gold Brute near you) serves well as a meleerâs brain basher. But the final âbossâ battle, while weâll offer no spoilers, is ridiculous bordering on retarded.
So overall, this could easily be an overpriced expansion pack to Halo 2, sans the David Cross VOs (the “Arrested Development” curse continues).
Of course, people will buy Halo 3 for the single player story mode like theyâll watch Jessica Albaâs new flick for the âcomedyâ. Halo is multiplayer. Team and lone wolf deathmatch. Wicked weapon variety. Custom level âforgingâ. Lovable teen Xbox Live denizens able to spew their sexist, racist and homophobic talking points without consequence (NB: your headset volume can be turned off). These are the reasons why you wonât find a single used sell-back copy at GameStop this week.
Or a year from now, for that matter.
GRADE: 3 1/2 stars, Bungie, $59.99 (Regular), $129.99 for the helmet-inclusive Sucker Legendary Edition (for Xbox 360)
