Queens

A man whose wife went missing from their Ridgewood home threatened to open fire on cops with a machine gun, authorities said yesterday.

Adam Balcerzak, 59, called 911 at 4:08 p.m. Monday and complained that police hadn’t done enough to find his wife, who, he said, had been missing from their Myrtle Avenue home for three days.

“You guys are not doing anything!” he allegedly shouted before threatening to “take a machine gun and shoot police,” according to DA Richard Brown.

He was quickly arrested. He did not have a gun.

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An out-of-control dog owner was busted after allegedly Macing an Astoria neighbor in the eyes.

Petre Civan, 30, was walking his dog at 31st Street and Ditmars Boulevard at about 11:30 a.m. on Sept. 5 when a 50-year-old stranger asked why the dog wasn’t on a leash, authorities said.

“I told him to back up and relax, calm down! If he didn’t back up, I would spray him,” Civan allegedly told cops.

“He got too close, and I sprayed him.”

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This guy’s not exactly marriage material.

Lovesick Vidal Bissessar, 35, of St. Albans, allegedly threatened to kill his former girlfriend if she didn’t agree to marry him, authorities said.

The 22-year-old woman told cops he called her cellphone on Sept. 3 and ranted, “I’m gonna kill you and myself if you don’t marry me!”

Before the threats, the creep kept coming to her house and standing outside, cops said.

Bissessar was charged with menacing, stalking and aggravated harassment.

Brooklyn

An East New York teen was viciously beaten for his iPhone, cops said yesterday.

The 18-year-old victim was walking to the subway at 10:15 p.m. on Aug. 21 when three punks asked him for the time, and then asked to use his phone.

When he refused, the assailants punched him in the face and threw him to the ground, then assaulted him and snatched his phone.

The victim was treated for a head injury and facial bruises at Brookdale Hospital.

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What a butthead!

An assault suspect named Ebony Butts threw an 81-year-old man to the ground in Gravesend after he refused to give her money, authorities said.

The 29-year-old woman allegedly approached the victim at 10:10 a.m. Thursday as he left his doctor’s office and shouted, “Gimme a dollar!”

The victim apologized, saying he had no cash.

Butts walked past the elderly man before turning around and shoving him face first to the pavement, cops said.

Stunned witnesses ran to help the victim, who called 911.

“All right, I did it,” Butts allegedly told cops. “Take me to jail already. I pushed him on the ground.”

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He bought a one-way ticket to jail.

A thief was busted for swiping a roll of tickets after breaking into a booth at a Coney Island amusement park, authorities said yesterday.

Edward Perez, 17, crawled in through the window of the High-and-Low at about 3:30 a.m. on July 31 and stole a set of keys and the tickets — but left his fingerprints on a wall, cops said.

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A badly decomposed body was found floating in Gowanus Bay, cops said.

The body of the unidentified man was spotted at about 8:15 a.m. yesterday in the water near 39th Street and First Avenue off Sunset Park.

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A 23-year-old woman was killed and a 13-year-old boy and a 21-year-old man were wounded by stray bullets in Bushwick, police said.

Sarafina French, 23, was shot in the back on Weirfield Street near Bushwick Avenue at about 10:50 p.m. Thursday and died at Woodhull Hospital.

The unidentified boy was shot in the left arm and the 21-year-old man, who cops believe was the intended target, in the back.

The Bronx

Police are investigating the stabbing death of a High Bridge man.

The body of Francisco Osorio, 44, was found at about 2:50 p.m. Thursday in his home on 167th Street.