Queens

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A fuming perpetrator smoking away on a stoop in Astoria attacked an elderly woman who had asked her to leave, authorities said yesterday.

Marielle Behm, 26, was puffing away on the steps of the 82-year-old victim’s 41st Street home at 2 a.m. on Aug. 20 when the older woman asked her to leave and threatened to call cops, according to court papers.

“Go ahead, call the police,” Behm allegedly shouted before pummeling the victim, who was hospitalized for bleeding on the brain, broken ribs and a fractured nose.

Behm was arrested on Sept. 7.

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He’s just batty.

A brute threatened to attack cops with a baseball bat in South Jamaica, authorities said yesterday.

Brandishing the bat, Kareem Ramkhelawan, 21, bizarrely approached several cops and civilians in front of a house on 165th Street near 119th Avenue at 8:55 p.m. on Sept. 5, a court complaint stated.

He announced, “I’m going to f–k everybody up,” according to court documents, and police promptly arrested the would-be tough guy. He was charged with menacing and weapons possession.

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A gun-toting thief stole his buddy’s necklace in Jamaica, authorities said yesterday.

Allegedly armed with a 9mm handgun, George Farnum, 43, approached his pal at 12:55 a.m. on Aug. 21 near 217th Street and 115th Road.

“You owe me,” he snarled as he yanked a gold and diamond chain off the neck of the 46-year-old victim, court papers stated.

Farnum was arrested on Sept. 7 on charges of robbery and menacing, said a spokesman for DA Richard Brown.

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Cops are looking for a hapless would-be robber pictured here who couldn’t pull off a heist at a Flushing bank.

The unarmed suspect entered a Capital One branch on Parsons Boulevard near Jewel Avenue and demanded cash at 2:30 p.m. on Aug. 30. When the teller refused, the thug got spooked and fled.

Police say he’s between 25 and 35 years old, between 5-foot-10 and 6 feet tall and has short black hair. He was last seen wearing green shorts, a blue polo shirt and black-tinted glasses.

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Cops are trying to identify the body of a man found in Jamaica Bay yesterday.

A 911 caller led police to the man, believed to be in his 50s, on the shoreline near North Channel Bridge and Cross Bay Boulevard at around 6:40 a.m.

He was pronounced dead at the scene, cops said. Police do not suspect foul play but the cause of death has not been determined.

Staten Island

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A man facing murder charges in the drunken strangulation death of his friend has died in jail, authorities said yesterday.

Ronald Jones, 55, of Maryland, was visiting his sick mother in New York on Feb. 26 when he got into an argument with Robert Jenkins, a 68-year-old Vietnam veteran, and beat and strangled drinking buddy Jenkins to death in West Brighton, cops said.

Jones died at Rikers Island on Aug. 17 while awaiting trial on murder charges.

A medical examiner concluded last week that Jenkins died of a heart attack.

Brooklyn

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A man found dead in Bedford-Stuyvesant after an apparent assault has been identified, cops said yesterday.

Matthew James, 38, of Kingsboro Walk, was found unconscious and unresponsive on Rochester Avenue after a witness called 911 at around 5:45 p.m. Thursday.

James was pronounced dead at Interfaith Hospital.

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Cops are probing a horrific subway accident that left a man pinned under an R train at the Union Street station early yesterday.

The unidentified 22-year-old miraculously survived being hit and run over around 2:13 a.m., fire and transit officials said.

The victim was taken to Lutheran Medical Center with no life-threatening injuries, officials said.