1.) He didn’t want the scandal to end up on Page Six.

2.) Why should Paul Shaffer get all the action?

3.) To steal the thunder from Sarah Palin’s new book.

4.) Ratings, ratings, ratings.

5.) With Leno out of the way, figures his only competition is skin-emax.

6.) He’s updating a popular show segment: Stupid Petting Tricks.

7.) He caught his wife watching Conan O’Brien.

8.) He’s trying to pick a fight with Newark’s mayor.

9.) Needed to fill the time because John McCain blew off the show.

10.) Is thinking of changing his production company name to ‘Worldwide Drop-Your-Pants.’