So President Trump wants to give farmers a $12 billion subsidy because his tariffs are hurting their soybean business.

I’m as fond of soybeans and other vegetables as the next guy (actually, I’m not, but let’s say I am), but shouldn’t everyone hurt by the tariffs get paid off in a similar way?

I understand that farm states in the Midwest are supporters of Trump. And if you can’t bribe your supporters with subsidies, whom can you bribe?

Coke and GM said Wednesday they would have to hike prices in the wake of aluminum and steel tariffs.

Let me propose this: To be fair, the newspaper business could use a generous government payoff. Those tariffs have boosted the price of the paper my industry uses by about 30 percent. And despite that a lot of news folks don’t like Trump, we’d love him a lot more if he offered us a bribe.

There, I’ve said it. I hope our subsidy is in the mail by Monday.