Hey, kids, watch out for that mystery meat!

Parents of students at the Eaton Elementary School in Washington, D.C., were furious after learning that the principal let animal-welfare workers use the cafeteria to spay 500 cats over the weekend.

“The air was thick with the smell of urine,” said mother of three Kelley Ellsworth.

“I’m shocked that they would cut up a cat in a school cafeteria.”

Officials had the lunch room fumigated before it reopened yesterday.

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Speaking of unusual animal stories, the bride wore . . . a leash.

Two small boys and two girls were married off to four puppies by tribal villagers in India to ward off evil.

Tribal leaders in Jharkhand said the weddings were necessary after a toddler’s tooth fell out – a sign of bad luck.

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An Italian sex researcher claims he can tell a woman’s personality from the size and shape of her breasts.

Dr. Piero Lorenzoni says a woman with pert, firm breasts “may look erotic, but, in reality, is bashful,” while someone with large, round ones may appear motherly, but “wants to be spoiled and admired.”

Small-breasted women are “funny and very exciting . . . entertaining and intelligent and make great partners,” Lorenzoni said.

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Al Roker and Mr. G., take note – weathermen in Moscow have been told by the government they face heavy fines if they get the forecast wrong.

“[They] will be held responsible for financial losses the city incurs through their incorrect prognoses,” said Mayor Juri Luschkov.

The policy was announced after one forecaster predicted warm weather – and the mercury plunged to minus 33.

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In a macabre move to celebrate the building of the Titanic, the city of Belfast plans to tow an iceberg from Norway into the shipyard where the ill-fated ocean liner was launched.

“The iceberg could be an eye-catching image,” said Lord Mayor Tom Ekin.

But Una Reilly, of the Belfast Titanic Society, said, “I do not think it is in very good taste. We have to remember that 1,500 people died that night.”