Bruce Charles Englar is a bahhhhh-d boy.

Cops busted the 53-year-old man for allegedly using twine to tie up a sheep and have sex with it in a barn in Paradise Township, Pa.

The suspect told police he was just petting the sheep, but Officer Patrick Gartrell said, “I found baler’s twine in Englar’s back pocket, matching the twine that was hanging in the barn.”

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An Idaho teen will plead guilty to three counts of disturbing the peace after anonymously sending semen-frosted brownies to a fellow student.

Prosecutors say the 17-year-old Coeur d’Alene HS student was upset after a prank in which the other student put peanut butter in his cheese sandwich.

So he took a page from the movie “National Lampoon’s Van Wilder,” in which characters send pastries filled with dog semen to a frat house.

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Bird-brained thieves broke into an agency that serves the poor – and made off with a safe that was not only empty, but a piece of junk that employees had been trying to get rid of. “It is really quite comical,” said Susan Simpkins, director of the Fostoria Bureau of Concern in Ohio. “It was very heavy, and they did us a favor by taking it.”

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A man given six months to live by his doctors has been told by an Italian court to come back to hear the outcome of his demand for insurance payments – in 14 months.

Carmelo Cisabella, 39, has an inoperable spine disease and hoped to make his last few months easier by picking up $596,300 in agreed-upon damages for a car crash.

But Italian justice is notoriously slow, and it takes on average 3,041 days to settle a civil case. As poor Carmelo is finding out, you could die waiting.

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If you like your women big and sexless, head to Australia.

A new government report says Aussie gals are fatter and less interested in sex than they were a decade ago. Furthermore, almost 75 percent do little or no exercise.

Toss another shrimp on the barbie, mate, my super-sized Sheila’s got a headache tonight! (m)