A Missouri woman was relaxing in the kitchen of her new home when a 41/2-foot boa constrictor slithered out from under the dishwasher.

“I thought it was a toy, and I was going to pick it up,” said Stefanie Leafty of Sedalia. Then it moved, and “I’ve never screamed so high in my life.”

The snake belonged to the previous resident, who’d forgotten about it after it escaped from its cage.

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Even in death, Robert Norton’s naked ambition is being thwarted.

Norton, 82, of Pekin, Ill., spent 40 years fighting repeated arrests for gardening and wandering his yard in the nude – and he insisted that when he died, he was to be buried in the all-together.

But his family balked at the request and is sending him to eternity in gray slacks and a dress shirt.

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A British carwash has been scolded by advertising watchdogs for circulating a flier that boasts “the best hand job in town,” alongside a cartoon of a buxom blonde.

Scrubbers, based in Luton, also offers an “In ‘n Out and a Polish Off,” “The Quickie,” “The Full Monty” and a “Personal Service.”

The Advertising Standards Agency said the flier caused “widespread offense,” and that the proprietors should simply call their service a “manual car wash.”

A Scrubbers spokesman scoffed, “Some people are very small-minded and they can’t take these things in fun.”

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A woman dumped her fiancé – to run off with her wedding planner.

Jessie Hunt fell for Michael Phillips as she argued with her boyfriend, Matthew Jackson, about the ceremony in England.

“I told him that I wanted a big, full-on wedding, but he wanted a very small one. The more Matthew and I tried to sort things out, the further we drifted apart,” said Hunt, who called off the nuptials and got a proposal from Phillips a few weeks later.

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A new cough syrup on the market in Chile is guaranteed to make you gag even before you taste it – it’s made of snail slime.

Maria Sannino, owner of a La Florida snail farm, said, “I have more than 8,500 snails working so we can get material for this ancient cough medicine recipe.”