A 102-year-old driver has been fined for deliberately driving on the wrong side of the road to get to a bridge game.

Charles Ford, who’s had a license since 1918, told cops he didn’t have time to wait for a traffic jam to clear in Los Angeles. The offense cost him a $170 fine – not that it bothered Ford.

“Whenever I know I have done something wrong, I don’t put no squawk with the police. I knew better,” he said.

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Italian housewives who complained that a young neighbor was distracting their husbands have been told to be sexier by their mayor.

The wives, from Missaglia, were angry the 20-year-old woman drew stares by sunbathing topless. But Mayor Marta Casiraghi said, “I really can’t do anything on an official basis. I should rather advise my fellow female citizens to be more sexy, so that they won’t feel threatened by anything.”

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A Pennsylvania man has admitted defecating on his ex-girlfriend’s mattress, replacing the sheets and hiding the fecal matter around the house.

Cops say Allan E. Cheese, 29, of York also put his mess on the teddy bear of ex-lover Gale Lee Baum, 28, and left a note reading, “Eat it and die.”

Cheese pleaded guilty to criminal mischief and harassment and was fined $2,400. Gale said, “I still feel victimized. I’ve been sleeping on the floor since this happened.”

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An 8-year-old Ohio boy drove 80 mph in a Chevy pickup truck in a bid to see his aunt.

Debbie Turner, who spotted the odd sight in Akron, said, “At first, I thought it was a drunk driver, and as I got closer, I said, ‘Either it’s a midget or I’m crazy and that’s a little boy.’ “

When he was finally stopped, the kid, dressed in pajamas, had nearly completed his 20-mile journey from his foster parents’ home to his aunt’s house.

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Cops in Colorado are hot on the trail of thieves who stole an 8-foot-long, 200-pound pickle.

The daring heist from Johnny McGuire’s Deli occurred when the giant steel pickle, worth $18,000, was pried off the roof of the shop’s delivery car and placed on the roof of Aspen HS.

School Superintendent Tom Farrell quipped, “This will be a fun mystery to try to solve, won’t it?”