An Illinois college student has written an editorial in her school newspaper begging her next-door neighbors to stop having such loud sex romps.

Kelly Roe, a senior at Northwestern University in Evanston, wrote, “While your stamina is to be commended, I still am hoping that your genitalia turns blue and falls off so as to prevent any repeat performances.

“I don’t mean I heard a few moans . . . I mean porno-style screaming, just-got-out-of-prison-and-haven’t-seen-a-member-of-the-opposite-sex-in-two-years boinking.”

****

Sick pranksters pulled a really baa-d joke on an Indiana politician – planting the frozen head of a sheep in the driver’s seat of her car.

“It had teeth and its eyes were staring at me,” said Sue Pelfry, a 48-year-old committeewoman in New Chicago, who discovered the head when she got into her 1994 Buick Regal.

Her husband, Roger, added, “They were definitely trying to leave a message. But what that message is, I don’t know.”

****

Horny hotel guests are no longer waiting to get to their rooms to have sex.

That’s the word from the Novotel chain, which reports more and more guests are being filmed by security cameras doing it in hotel elevators, stairwells, pools, spas and saunas, gyms and parking lots.

Women are also making more passes at male staffers, and have been increasingly caught naked outside their rooms.

****

Cops in Massachusetts have won the right to wear goatees on the job in exchange for raising funds for charity.

Until now, officers in the town of Palmer had been banned from growing chin whiskers. But cops who raise at least $50 by April 1 for the Jimmy Fund, which helps kids fight cancer, can have a goatee.

****

A fearless jogger strangled a ostrich after the feisty bird attacked her.

Corlize Steyn, 19, of Touws River, South Africa, suffered bruises and scratches. “I thought that the closer I stayed to it, the less it could do to me. I warned it, ‘I’m going to kill you!’ ” she said.

The ostrich was cut up and some of its meat was offered to Steyn.