No sex, please, we’re virgins – all 750 of us.

That was the loud-and-clear message as hundreds of women spread the word of “wait until marriage” at the National Abstinence Clearinghouse Conference in Las Vegas over the weekend.

“What better place to bring this than Sin City? They need to hear it,” explained 24-year-old Deanna Grimm.

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Is this what friends are for? A 10-year-old Arizona boy was nearly burned to death when he had his 14-year-old pal douse him with charcoal fluid and toss a match on him to re-enact a scene from “Jackass: The Movie.”

The Glendale youngster, screaming in pain as flames licked his body, was saved when the friend put out the fire with a garden hose.

The boy now faces skin-graft surgery and a long rehabilitation.

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Whatever happened to nickel bags?

That’s what they must be asking in Howard County, Md., where an ounce of “deluxe,” extra-potent marijiuana costs a staggering $400.

Police Lt. Keith Lessner says wealthy potheads are willing to pay the price because, “We live in a society that wants the best things.”

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Thomas and Jean Weibling have seen enough of Walter Krodel to last a lifetime. The Florida couple arrived home to find him allegedly burgling their house, and doing it while naked.

But Krodel, 47, insists he has the perfect defense, according to a report filed by Golden Gate police: “[He] uttered that all he had to do was tell his lawyer he had been stoned and that would get him out of any burglary charges.”

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An anti-porn crusader has produced a TV commercial that shows kittens frolicking as a narrator tells viewers that every time someone masturbates, “God kills a kitty.”

Pastor Craig Gross of Corona, Calif., says the ad, which he plans to air in San Diego and Orange counties is effective, but admits, “It’ll get the PETA people all ticked off at us.”

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(p. 21 in metro)