A 90-year-old Oregon woman fed up with the cockroaches in her bedroom began roasting them alive with a portable blowtorch – and nearly burned her house down.

Firefighters in Kenton raced to the home of Ona Bates to find flames pouring out. The home sustained $4,500 in damages.

“I’ve heard this one before. I don’t know where they get the idea to do it,” Fire Bureau spokesman Neil Heesacker told The Oregonian.

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Florida airport guards donned diving suits to go underwater and perform a security scan on a 1,800-pound sea cow named Buffett.

The manatee had failed to pass a metal capsule it swallowed for a study, so animal experts enlisted officers from Sarasota-Bradenton International Airport to pass a metal detector over the beast.

“It’s the last thing I ever, ever dreamed of doing in this job,” security screener Chris Kelleher said.

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A raging German fruit thief battered a shop worker with bananas when the crook was caught swiping a bunch.

“The bananas were handy so he decided to use them,” said Dusseldorf police spokesman Norbert Peters. “By the time the police arrived, the attendant’s face and upper body were completely smeared with bananas.”

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A menswear shop in Dublin has a rather unusual window display – a pair of JFK’s boxer shorts.

The snow-white underwear, worn by Kennedy during his World War II Navy stint, were snapped up at a recent New York auction by tailor Louis Copeland for $5,000.

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A sicko dognapper in Denmark said he’ll kill a 13-year-old beagle named Skipper and send his owners a videotape of the slaughter if his ransom demand for $10,000 is not met.

Skipper, who’s so infirm his owners recently began taking him for walks in a stroller, was reported missing last Wednesday.

“The couple has spoken to the blackmailer four or five times, but we have advised them not to answer the phone anymore,” said a police officer in Bogense.