An Illinois mom has pleaded guilty to assault for punching, kicking and scratching a male stripper who failed to meet expectations at her daughter’s bachelorette party.

Jacqueline McMahon, 52, of Wheeling, was sentenced to 30 days of court supervision and ordered to pay $2,500 to the 28-year-old victim.

Cops say tensions exploded when the stripper allegedly ended his show sooner than expected without paying enough attention to the bride.

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Applying for a passport is no laughing matter in Canada, especially now that the government has ordered citizens not to smile for their passport photos.

Instead, applicants must summit pictures that show “neutral expressions” – no smiling, frowning, glaring or grimacing allowed.

Officials insist they’re not meanies, but explain that neutral expressions are easier to match and will save time at airports.

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Annie Lewis is a real dough-nut – she slept on the sidewalk for 13 nights in Lansing, Mich., to be the first person to enter the new Krispy Kreme store.

“A lot of people probably think I’m a nut for doing this,” Lewis said.

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The notorious Foot Licker of Massachusetts has been ordered to cool his heels in prison.

Raymond Dublin, 36, a two-time convicted sex offender, was sentenced to 18 months in the slammer for sneaking up on a woman in an Uxbridge supermarket, grabbing her feet and licking them.

Prosecutor Paul Bolton said, “This individual, this gentleman, has a significant sexual problem.”

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An obsessive German shopper has admitted stealing $272,500 in a three-year crime spree to satisfy his insatiable craving for customer service.

The 38-year-old man, who’s been sentenced to 7 ½ years in prison, “wasn’t interested in the money,” Berlin court spokesman Bjoern Retzlaff said. “To him, it was all about the feeling that the customer is king.”

“What am I supposed to do with 200 pairs of shoes?” the man told Bild Zeitung.

“Back at home in the shopping bag, they meant nothing to me. But I couldn’t stop!”