An actor in a Portland, Ore., production of “King Henry VI” was busted five minutes before the curtain went up for allegedly menacing a cop with his prop sword.

After Thaddeus “Scott” Carson, 33, was busted in his costume and charged with menacing, police learned he had a previous 1994 conviction for sodomy, rape and sex abuse.

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A bird-brained crook stole a tracking device – and was promptly tracked down by cops.

The 40-year-old thief from Janesville, Wis., was busted after he grabbed the $2,500 global-positioning instrument – used to keep track of released prisoners – from the home of a woman being monitored by the Rock County Jail.

“He apparently didn’t know what he had because he would be awfully stupid to steal a tracking device,” said a jail spokesman.

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A British man is attempting to push a peanut for seven miles through London – with his nose.

Mark McGowan is hoping to complete his journey Sept. 12 in front of Tony Blair’s home at 10 Downing St., and convince the prime minister to waive his $24,000 in student debt.

It’s not the first wacky stunt for McGowan, 37. He once walked 11 miles around London with a 27-pound turkey strapped to his head to try to persuade fat people to eat less.

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Women who drink wine get pregnant faster than those who don’t.

That’s the word from scientists at the Danish Epidemiology and Science Center in Copenhagen.

“Wine drinkers fell pregnant the quickest,” said researcher Mette Juhl, adding that wine worked better than beer or spirits.

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The next time somebody calls you a worm, take it as a compliment.

Scientists using genetic analysis have identified a tiny worm that lives in the mud at the bottom of Swedish fjords as mankind’s long-lost cousin.

The Xenoturbella bocki – “strange flatform” in Latin – is the closest-known invertebrate relative of humans.

“It is fascinating to think that whatever long-dead animal this simple worm evolved from, so did we,” said British researcher Max Trelford.