Parents are freaking out at rumors that gangs of marauding lesbians are terrorizing girls at a Flint, Mich., school – and educators are desperately trying to set them, uh, straight.

“We do not have a gang of lesbians at Central High School,” insisted Larry Watkins, director of safety.

One senior, Candice Fowlkes-Hawk, said the authorities are partially right. “They’re not little hoodlums – they’re just lesbians. I had a girl approach me once, and I just said I was not interested.”

Betty Gooch may have skipped out of an Illinois court hearing on charges she scammed car dealers by bouncing checks, but she shouldn’t be too hard to find.

Officials in Algonquin say Gooch, who’s 75, gets around with a cane and a portable oxygen cart.

A California coffee shop has taken the joke about cops loving donuts to a new level.

Cops Donuts in Fremont features a cartoon of an officer handcuffed to a giant, chocolate-covered dunker with the slogan, “If our food was any better, it would be criminal.”

“Every police officer we’ve talked to has laughed about it and given us a thumbs-up,” said owner John Brand.

The PC police have struck at a popular Nashville eatery, which has been ordered to remove antique photos of topless women from the menu cover, or lose its liquor license.

Johnny Potts, owner of The Sutler restaurant, was told that the turn-of-the-century pictures, quaint by today’s standards, still violate a state law that prohibits sexual material in places where booze is sold.

To comply, Potts has blacked out the women’s breasts with a marker.

You could say that Anette Lie is very up front about how she paid for her new car – with her breast milk.

The enterprising Norwegian woman has sold more than 500 quarts of breast milk since last May and earned nearly $10,000 to buy a new set of wheels.

She says her ability to produce so much is genetic: “My mother was the same way, and I’ve heard my grandmother nursed children around town.”