A Wisconsin woman whose purse was stolen last May got it back nearly a year later – complete with the $300 she had left inside and all her credit cards

Marie Boettcher, 72, of Kiel, was flabbergasted when cops delivered the purse to her door intact after two teens found it by the Sheboygan River.

“I just prayed to God every day that it would show up,” said Boettcher.

Amen!

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The Rev. Jim Keyser promises to say nice things at your funeral – if you’re the highest bidder. The pastor of Trinity United Methodist Church in Grand Island, Neb., says whoever wins the Rotary Club auction can expect a heartfelt eulogy whenever it’s needed.

Plus, “for an extra $50, I’ll say some really nice things,” Keyser added.

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One felony, extra crispy, please.

That’s the takeout order after a man posing as a cop called the manager of a KFC in Pittsburgh to say a robber was on his way and to cooperate so nobody would got hurt. Police would be outside to nail him afterward, the “cop” added.

Moments later, a robber showed up and grabbed $200 – but no officers ever arrived to bust him.

KFC hopes to fry the thief by releasing photos taken by a security camera.

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Vote the wrong way and you’re headed for hell.

That’s the warning from a top bishop in Cyprus, who says Orthodox Greek Cypriots face damnation if they approve a complex U.N. plan to reunite the island.

“Those who say yes will be party to this injustice, will lose their homeland and the kingdom of heaven,” says Bishop Paul.

The way to heaven? Just vote no, his supporters say.

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Two nuclear subs, one American and one British, surfaced near the North Pole yesterday – for a game of soccer! “The crews of HMS Tireless and USS Hampton are gearing up for a game of football,” British Cmdr. John Parris said. “It will probably be English football, since I doubt our lot know much about playing American football.

“I expect there will also be the mother of all snowball fights.”