Attention Spider-Man: California needs you.

The state Highway Patrol, hoping to avoid another epic traffic jam caused by a suicide jumper on a major bridge, wants inventors to design and build a gun that can capture would-be jumpers in a spider-like web.

“At this point, we’re about ready to put out a request for a proposal,” said California Highway Patrol spokesman Tom Marshall. “And we’ll just see if there’s some technology that might be usable.”

The air in Vienna is filled with the sound of music – and the smell of horse poop.

To combat the foul atmosphere, officials have ordered all the city’s horse-drawn carriages to start using equine diapers called “poo bags,” so the streets won’t be befouled by manure.

A Scottish court agreed with the “boys will be boys” defense when it decided that two teens should not be jailed after breaking into the tomb of a notorious nobleman, stealing a skull and using it as a puppet.

The boys, ages 17 and 15, looted the tomb of Sir George “Bloody” MacKenzie, who died in 1691 after becoming infamous for his brutal persecution of Presbyterians.

The court decided that, although the boys used the skull “as a glove puppet,” they weren’t doing anything “sinister.”

A drunken joyride on a bulldozer was broken up by cops in Berlin, who jumped aboard as it wove through city streets, smashed a window and sprayed Mace in the driver’s face.

The 28-year-old dozer-jacker ran a red light, but never got the machine over the speed of 2.5 mph, during his boozy misadventure.

Moscow will soon erect a new monument to a hero that helped Russia through hard times – processed cheese.

A bronze monument will honor Soviet-era Druzhba, or “friendship” cheese, which is shiny, white and comes in a foil wrap.

“In the most difficult times, it was hard to live without it,” said Viktor Shenderovich, one of the people who will chose the final design.