Better duck when you’re around David Toumey.

Toumey, the coroner in Monroe County, Ind., was demonstrating gun safety to a group of people when he checked to make sure his weapon wasn’t loaded – and shot himself in the left leg.

“It’s an unfortunate accident. I’ve always been very, very safe,” he insisted.

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It was a different kind of stick-up down in South Carolina, where a robber held up a bank – with a rusty pitchfork.

Cops in Aiken say the man, in a mask and sunglasses, entered the Security Federal Bank, held up a 4-foot long fork like a spear, and demanded money.

He escaped with a wad of cash – and then vanished like a, uh, needle in a haystack.

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Wendy Chunn should be given the Saleswoman of the Year award.

The smooth-talking Navy recruiter visited the McIntyre family of Locust Fork, Ala., hoping to persuade their 18- year-old daughter to enlist, and got the whole family – daughter, son, mom and dad – to sign up.

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Talk about hot potatoes.

Two live hand grenades were found on a potato production line in Norfolk, England, when a metallic clanging sound alerted workers washing the spuds.

A British Army spokesman said:

“They were live grenades and very unstable. They were old, and rust had started coming through.

“They might have looked like potatoes – but I wouldn’t like to peel those ones.”

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A Dutch driver literally got into some deep doo-doo when a fertilizer truck in front of him lost its cargo, covering his vehicle in hundreds of pounds of fresh, foul-smelling manure.

“It was a nice night, so he probably opened his window – and then it happened,” said Dana Kragten of the Drenthe province police.